Welcome to another one of my famous MONSTER BLOG POSTS! On this edition we're gonna be focusing on…guess what? Movie Monsters! That’s ri...
Welcome to another one of my famous MONSTER BLOG POSTS! On this edition we're gonna be focusing on…guess what? Movie Monsters! That’s right my dear readers, we’re gonna take a stroll down Freakville lane! (And if you want more freakishness make sure you check out part two of this article 23 MORE Oddities and Strange Creatures from Hollywood!)Movie monsters are awesome; they never cease to amaze me. Monster films sometimes make you wonder what the hell these filmmakers were smoking when they came up with these creations. Apparently something good because some of these creations can really freak you the hell out!
Now, there are the traditional monsters we all know and love like Frankenstein, Dracula and The Werewolf. And though we love those creatures to death, I’m always amazed at how movie makers continue to try and freak us out with new, stranger, weirder creations. It seems that with each monster, filmmakers are trying to out do each other. Some directors are completely devoted to creature features, like for example Guillermo del Toro, a director who has practically dedicated his entire filmmaking career to strange creatures. And you’ll see one or two of his creations on this list. But sometimes, filmmakers will go all out in trying to do truly odd, weird and outlandish creatures. They truly give it their all to try and show us something we have never seen. One of these directors is Frank Henenlotter, the creator of the Basket Case films. He really packs his films with the craziest oddities you could think of. Look for some of his creatures on today’s list, and on future installments.
So, for this blog post I’ve decided to focus on the strangest and oddest creatures I could remember from all the countless creature features I have seen in my time. I decided to only include creatures from films made in the United States, but future blog posts will focus on creatures from all over the world. That’s right my friends, this here blog post will have a part 2 and 3! So be on the look out for these! And now, without further ado, come one come all to the freak show! The Film Connoisseur presents 20 of the oddest and strangest creatures from film land! Enjoy!
Film: The Fly II (1987)
Creature: Bartok Monster
Description: This vile creature is the result of a teleportation experiment. You see in The Fly II young scientist Martin Brundle, transforms into the monstrous fly creature, which means he now has six arms, six legs, huge gaping jaws and green skin. By the climax of the film, he no longer wants to be the fly; he wants to turn back into a human. The problem is that the only way to do that is by swapping genes with another human being. But hey, don't sweat it! It just so happens that the villain in the picture - Mr. Bartok- was such an asshole through out the whole movie that he ends up being used to complete the gene swapping experiment. In the end, the experiment worked, the good guy turns back into a human, but Mr. Bartok turns into this horrible creature you see above. You almost pity the guy; all he can do is crawl through the floor like a beast. He cant even reach his plate of food! But since he was such a douche bag through out the whole film, pity quickly fades away. .
Film: Total Recall (1989)
Creature: Kuato
Description: Wow, I don’t know where to begin with this one, but essentially, he is the rebel of the Martian revolution. Humans have colonized Mars, but unfortunately a dictator wants to charge the people living on Mars everything, even the very air they are breathing. In comes Kuato and his group of revolutionaries. The way Kuato looks kind of makes you wonder why the rebels consider him their leader. I mean, the guy looks like a deformed fetus that was never fully developed, kind of like Belial from the Basket Case movies. But he does have a usefulness to him, he can make you see visions with the power of his mind! And a powerful mind is a terrible thing to waste. Unfortunately, the poor thing doesn’t get to do much in the film; he gets shot in the head rather quickly.
Weakness: Well, he speaks kind of slow, looks like crap and can take a bullet like anybody else.
Film: Dune (1984)
Creature: Guild Navigator
Description: The Guild Navigators from the Dune movies are these creatures that look like deformed fetuses and live in water all of the time. So whenever a Guild Navigator needs to talk to The Emperor of the Known Universe, they have to travel inside these giant tanks filled with water. They may look weird, but they are quite useful! By using Spice Mélange, they can travel through time and space without moving a muscle, and they can take anyone they want with them. Nifty trick!
Weakness: If somebody should destroy their giant water tank, I’m pretty sure they’d suffocate like a fish out of water.
Film: From Beyond (1986)
Creature: Dr. Pretorious
Description: Dr. Pretorious is a mad scientist experimenting with a machine he has created called The Sonic Resonator. This machine can do various things, among them it can amp up your sex drive, making you into a horny sex machine at the flip of a switch. Unfortunately, it can also bring deadly creatures from other dimensions that want to do nothing more then snap your head off like a gingerbread man. Dr. Pretorious used the machine to travel to another dimension, when he came back he returned as the sexed up violent creature you see pictured above.
Weakness: His ego is way too big and his emotions and sexuality are out of control.
Film: Dogma (1999)
Creature: The Golgothan
Description: The Golgothan (a.k.a. The Shit Demon) is a creature sent by evil forces to stop Jesus’s last descendant (The Last Scion) from saving the earth. The creature is made up of real shit and stinks like it too, a power I wouldn’t want to underestimate.
Weakness: A toilet is pretty deadly to these creatures.
Film: Weird Science (1985)
Creature: Chet Donnelly
Description: Chet Donelly is the evil bully brother from hell. He is a brash military school student who treats his little brother Wyatt like crap. He abuses him physically and emotionally. He even blackmails him! What Chet doesn’t know is that with the help of his own personal computer and a little voodoo, Wyatt has created a beautiful woman who possesses magical powers! This beautiful creation quickly decides how to deal with bullies like Chet; she turns him into a hideous shit monster as payback from treating Wyatt so badly.
Film: The Deadly Spawn (1983)
Creature: Alien
Description: Alien creatures crash land on earth and decide to hide in the basement of a typical middle class American family. These creatures have multiple heads and each head is equipped with rows upon rows of deadly teeth! Every time the creature feeds it gets bigger and bigger! And every time they feed it’s a gruesome and gory spectacle. One scene has the creature ripping the face off of one of its victims. The alien also gives birth to little slug creatures that decide to leave the basement and visit the home of these vegetarian elderly people; which they then proceed to feed on. This was an extremely low budget flick made by a bunch of sci-fi buffs, but wow, they sure were pretty creative!
Film: Big Trouble in Little China (1986)
Creature: Floating Eye Monster
Description: What the hell is this little creature and how did it come into existence? I don’t know and I don’t want to know! Jack Burton sums it up when he says “Oh my god, no. What the hell is that? No wait, don’t tell me!” And I don’t want to meet its parents either! But basically what this creature does is, since it’s entirely made up of eyes, whatever it sees, Lo Pan, the villain of the film sees as well! Freakiest feature: its mouth is an eye as well!
Weakness: A sword to the head will end this creature’s existence rather quickly.
Film: Terrorvision (1986)
Creature: Alien Trash Monster
Description: This ugly creature is a Trash Monster from an unknown alien planet. You see, in the planet it comes from Aliens take garbage and turn it into energy and then hurl it into space! Unfortunately, one of these energy beams ends up hitting the Puttman’s new satellite dish and then this monster ends up entering their home through their television set! This creature has a never ending appetite for everything! When it decides to eat, it opens up its mouth up and sucks with a gust of wind everything it can, then eats it. It can also mimic human beings quite well and loves listening to heavy metal.
Film: Jack Brook’s Monster Slayer (2007)
Creature: Professor Gordon Crowley
Description: The pic you see above used to be one Professor Gordon Crowley. That is until he unwittingly releases a bunch of demons from his basement. Then he becomes a possessed monster hungry for his own students!
Film: The Thing (1982)
Creature: Spider Head Thing
Description: To quote a character from the film when he sees the Spider Head Alien: “You gotta be fucking kidding me!” I couldn’t have said it better myself had I seen something like that crawling past me! The alien being in this excellent John Carpenter sci-fi horror film mimics human beings. When attacked, any part of it can simply detach and crawl away trying to survive! When the body to which this head was attached to was discovered to be an alien, the head detached, grew six legs and two eyes and then crawled away to everyone’s astonishment. A great flick to amaze your friends with.
Weakness: Extreme temperatures will do the trick with this beasty, a blow torch will do just fine as well.
Film: Critters (1986)
Creature: Critters
Description: The Critters or “Crites” as they are referred to in the film are a bunch of mischievous little creatures that escaped from a prison asteroid somewhere in the far reaches of space. They land their stolen spaceship on a farm in the middle of nowhere U.S.A. Then they proceed to wreck havoc in the lives of a bunch of hillbillies. The little creatures have the ability to curl up into a little ball and roll the hell out of anywhere. They can also shoot these poisonous darts out of their head, knock you out cold and then proceed to eat ya! They can also gather up into a giant critter ball and eat any one they decide to roll over. Deadly little boogers, no wonder they where in prison.
Weakness: A couple of sticks of dynamite will shred these creatures to smithereens, but really, they can be killed in any old way you can think of.
Film: The Giant Claw (1957)
Creature: The Claw
Description: A Giant ostrich from another planet is thought to be a UFO at first, but upon careful consideration everyone soon discovers it’s a giant…I don’t know what the hell that thing is! But its big and it flies and destroys everything in its path. Looks like a rotting ostrich or something! This is really a ridiculous looking creature, sure to incite laughter rather then screams.
Film: Tremors (1990)
Creature: Graboids, Snakeoids
Description: The Graboids are these giant snakes that travel beneath the earth. They pop out of the ground, open their mouths, and grab you with the snakes that they shoot out of their mouths. Hence the name “Graboids”
Weakness: They are blind, and guide themselves only by sound. If you stay still, they will never find you.
Film: The Live (1988)
Creature: Alien Invaders
Description: These alien invaders have taken over earth and successfully use a machine that blinds humans to their true visage. In other words, nobody knows what they really look like! To humans, these aliens look like humans! That might not be such a bad thing since these creatures look like skinless humans with purple muscles and bulging eyes! Their main power resides in controlling peoples actions through subliminal messages.
Film: Invaders from Mars (1986)
Creature: Brain Alien
Description: This brain alien is the leader of the Martians who have just crash landed in David Gardner’s backyard. The thing looks just like an exposed brain with a face. It controls all the other creatures on the spaceship, who are as equally (if not more so) monstrous as it is.
Film: Explorers (1985)
Creature: Wak Wak
Description: Wak is an alien creature/kid who has stolen his dads giant spaceship so he can have a close encounter with a group of human kids that he and his sister have managed to contact via a dream controlling machine. Wak and his sister Neek are just like any other human teenagers, they want to hang out and party!
Weakness: Wak and Neek have one weakness, their over protective father who screams and yells at them when he discovers they have stolen his spaceship.
Creature: The Blob
Description: The blob is slimy, pink and hungry! It’s a living alien organism that ends up on earth when it crash lands here on a meteor. Damn those things, always bringing some foul creature to our planet! The more the blob eats, the bigger it gets! It can crawl beneath your door; it can travel through water pipes and sewer systems! And when it grabs you, it melts your body until it completely devours you. Grizzly!
Weakness: Extreme temperatures
Film: The Stuff (1985)
Creature: The Stuff
Description: The Stuff is white, slimy and hungry! Like oil, The Stuff comes right out of the earth. When a company grabs a hold of The Stuff, and realizes that it could be eaten and sold to the rest of the world, that is exactly what they do! They market it and sell it as if it was yogurt or Ice Cream. Unfortunately, The Stuff is extremely addictive and turns whoever eats it into a brainless zombie.
Weakness: Extreme Temperatures
Film: Starship Troopers (1997)
Creature: Brain Bug
Description: This giant worm has a face that looks like a sphincter, but in reality, this giant brain but is the brains of the bug operation. All the other bugs in Starship Troopers follow its orders. It moves really slow, but if it can get close to you, out of its sphincter like face, slowly a protrusion appears, then it proceeds to stab you with it in the head and sucks your brains right out!
Weakness: It’s too fat and slow.
Film: Brain Damage (1988)
Creature: Aylmer
Description: This little creature known as Aylmer looks like a walking talking turd. Yeah, this little worm talks, and its got one hell of a vocabulary! He’s as well versed as a university professor, but with the voice of a radio DJ. Aylmer crawls up to your head, sticks to the back of your neck and injects you with a very addictive hallucinogenic blue liquid. After you taste it, you are addicted for life. Problem is, if you want more blue liquid in your brain, you have to feed Aylmer human brains! The film begs to ask the question: What are you willing to do for your addiction?
Film: Basket Case Trilogy
Creature: Belial
Description: Belial is Duane Bradley’s deformed Siamese twin brother, who never fully developed in his mothers womb. In fact, he never even detached from Duane’s Torso! That’s right; Daune was born with his deformed brother stuck to his torso. A quick visit to the doctor’s office quickly fixes that and he is detached from his brother and thrown in the garbage like some sort of an abomination. Problem is that Duane and Belial have a very strong psychic connection! And Belial loves feeding on people! So Duane goes through out the whole film carrying Belial on a basket, looking for Belial’s next meal. With each film, Henenlotter only added more freaks to his roster of creatures! Belial actually finds a girl friend and has baby Belials! Sequels are pretty amusing!
Film: Naked Lunch (1991)
Creature: Giant Bug
Description: The Giant Bug in Naked Lunch is one of many strange creatures that appear on this film, but essentially, the Giant Bug tells Bill Lee the exterminator what to do. Is it all part of Bill’s drug trip? Or is he really seeing Giant Bugs and typewraters that ejaculate whenever he begins to write on them? I’ll leave that up to you my dear reader.
So that’s it my friends, these are the first batch of weird creatures I could come up with. If you enjoyed this list, then check out part 2 and part 3 of this series, where I will be explore yet another batch of oddities and creatures for your viewing pleasure, these articles are a monstrous good time, dont miss them!
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